Okay, a few comments before you read this post...I'm posting this really late (sorry it didn't get posted yesterday, I had a volleyball game and didn't get to it after I got home) so if I don't make a whole lot of sense, at least I have an excuse this time! Also, in case any of you are worried, I am not writing this post because things are especially difficult at the moment, something someone said to me the other day triggered this thought and I was interested to hear all of your thoughts on the subject at hand...
Sometimes life is hard. Why does it seem that we are sometimes afraid to admit this? I know I've done it. I WANT to appear as if I've got it all together. I WANT to appear as if I have the most perfect family ever. I want people to see me in this shining light. But the reality is, that sometimes I'm not all put together. Sometimes I'd be embarrassed if someone saw me on my bad days or heard the voice or words I sometimes use when I'm at my worst. Sometimes I don't have the most perfect family ever. Sometimes there is absolutely no light shining around me. Sometimes life is hard.
I recently read on a friend's blog about how she and her husband were celebrating their 3 year anniversary. She commented that it had been a hard 3 years. There were no real details into why it was challenging, just that it was hard. She made sure to state that just because it was hard, doesn't mean that it wasn't worth it or that she doesn't love her spouse. I found her post refreshing. Refreshing to know that sometimes other people struggle just like me. Maybe not in the same way. But that others have struggles too. Because sometimes life is hard.
I think others, like me, sometimes fall into this trap of wanting to appear as if everything is perfect. Why is that? Why is it that we (Disclaimer: By saying "we" I am in no way including YOU personally as I don't know if you do this as well, I am simply saying "we" to include those of us who fall into this category as I am well aware that some of you do not do this, to which I am grateful to learn from your example!) have such a desire to appear as if we've got everything made? Why is it that we are afraid to admit that sometimes things are hard? Is it how we were raised that instills this desire inside us? Is it that we misconstrue what we are taught in our religion to think we are told we have to be perfect now? Is it society that tells us to answer "good" anytime we're asked how we are doing, even if it couldn't be further from the truth? And where is the balance between being a constant complainer to anyone and everyone vs. being a friend that others know they can turn to because we've allowed others to see that we too struggle at times? Because the truth is, sometimes life is hard.
This is something that I've been striving to work on; being more honest with how my life really is. I feel this is important. As I think about the major struggles I have gone through in my life, I can almost always pinpoint one (or a few) person that was significant in supporting me through those trials. Not that anyone could fight my battles for me, or that I was asking them to, but because they were willing to share their struggles with me, which happened to be similar to the ones that I was currently passing through, it gave me a sense of hope that I too could overcome my present challenge just as they had. And how grateful I am to those that have helped me with their support, friendship, encouragement, and love during those times. What a special place they hold in my heart. And how I hope to be that somebody to others. Because I strongly believe that we are placed in one another's lives to help each other at different times. To give hope to others when they no longer can see that hope. And to receive that hope from others when we no longer see it. Because the truth is, sometimes life is hard.
But life becomes a little bit easier when we're willing to share one another's burdens.
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8 comments:
Thanks for the post Kate! You've always been that person for me (The one who has been there for me and helped me get through the "Hard Times") No doubt about it life is hard I am glad I have you in my life to share those hard times with...you know all my ins and outs and yet you never judge and always love! I miss you guys!
The first thing that came to mind is that some of our parents are just too darn good at it, you know, keeping everything together even when they would be perfectly justified in going to pieces. I was only around your parents for the weekend of your mission report, but they seemed so on-the- ball; your dad seems to have such a calm spirit...I try to imagine that, when they were our age, my parents were just as meat headed and clueless as we are.
That someone would be me! I was talking about this because it bugs me. I know we shouldn't be complainers but should we be embarrassed to be honest? I think people could be more honest about their struggles if they didn't feel so judged by others. I'm not saying I've never done this because I'm sure I probably have but I'm trying to allow people to be themselves so that I can be more comfortable in being myself without fear.
I think that it is good foer people to express their thoughts and feelings no matter what they may be. Dark, light, happy, or sad, we should be able to be honest with how we feel. And when I graduate med school I will give you a discount on your first session.
I always find it awkward when I am having a hard time and someone says "Hi, how are you?" I usually just say "Fine, how are you?" I mean, I want to be honest, but at the same time I don't really want to unload on that person. But I really like it when I am talking to someone that I feel like I can be honest with (...sister-in-laws). That's why I'm always calling you guys and complaining!
Amazing how the Lord puts people in your life for a reason...and sometimes exactly when you need them. I have been going through a "hard time" in my life in just the last week, and yesterday after I finished my prayers, I logged onto the computer and there you were...post and all...
Exactly when I needed your post....
I struggle with that! I am so imperfect, but I have a hard time if I realize people notice my imperfections! I had a breakdown a few weeks ago where I just started balling to Lamon. I was like, "I am not doing it! I'm not a perfect mother! I am not doing everything I need to be doing . . . " I couldn't stop crying, and Lamon just sat there like, "Oh my cow!" He just kept saying, "Mary . . . baby steps!" When I said my prayers that night I was just overcome with the thought "Mary . .. you need the atonement! Everyone is imperfect, and we all need the atonement!" It is a relief to know that it is okay that we are imperfect because as long as we are doing our best we can rely on the atonement in our lives to help us become what God wants us to become. I was trying to do it on my own. So ya I have bad days, just ask Lamon who had to listen to that whole crying episode!
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