Sometimes Life is Hard

Okay, a few comments before you read this post...I'm posting this really late (sorry it didn't get posted yesterday, I had a volleyball game and didn't get to it after I got home) so if I don't make a whole lot of sense, at least I have an excuse this time! Also, in case any of you are worried, I am not writing this post because things are especially difficult at the moment, something someone said to me the other day triggered this thought and I was interested to hear all of your thoughts on the subject at hand...

Sometimes life is hard. Why does it seem that we are sometimes afraid to admit this? I know I've done it. I WANT to appear as if I've got it all together. I WANT to appear as if I have the most perfect family ever. I want people to see me in this shining light. But the reality is, that sometimes I'm not all put together. Sometimes I'd be embarrassed if someone saw me on my bad days or heard the voice or words I sometimes use when I'm at my worst. Sometimes I don't have the most perfect family ever. Sometimes there is absolutely no light shining around me. Sometimes life is hard.

I recently read on a friend's blog about how she and her husband were celebrating their 3 year anniversary. She commented that it had been a hard 3 years. There were no real details into why it was challenging, just that it was hard. She made sure to state that just because it was hard, doesn't mean that it wasn't worth it or that she doesn't love her spouse. I found her post refreshing. Refreshing to know that sometimes other people struggle just like me. Maybe not in the same way. But that others have struggles too. Because sometimes life is hard.

I think others, like me, sometimes fall into this trap of wanting to appear as if everything is perfect. Why is that? Why is it that we (Disclaimer: By saying "we" I am in no way including YOU personally as I don't know if you do this as well, I am simply saying "we" to include those of us who fall into this category as I am well aware that some of you do not do this, to which I am grateful to learn from your example!) have such a desire to appear as if we've got everything made? Why is it that we are afraid to admit that sometimes things are hard? Is it how we were raised that instills this desire inside us? Is it that we misconstrue what we are taught in our religion to think we are told we have to be perfect now? Is it society that tells us to answer "good" anytime we're asked how we are doing, even if it couldn't be further from the truth? And where is the balance between being a constant complainer to anyone and everyone vs. being a friend that others know they can turn to because we've allowed others to see that we too struggle at times? Because the truth is, sometimes life is hard.

This is something that I've been striving to work on; being more honest with how my life really is. I feel this is important. As I think about the major struggles I have gone through in my life, I can almost always pinpoint one (or a few) person that was significant in supporting me through those trials. Not that anyone could fight my battles for me, or that I was asking them to, but because they were willing to share their struggles with me, which happened to be similar to the ones that I was currently passing through, it gave me a sense of hope that I too could overcome my present challenge just as they had. And how grateful I am to those that have helped me with their support, friendship, encouragement, and love during those times. What a special place they hold in my heart. And how I hope to be that somebody to others. Because I strongly believe that we are placed in one another's lives to help each other at different times. To give hope to others when they no longer can see that hope. And to receive that hope from others when we no longer see it. Because the truth is, sometimes life is hard.

But life becomes a little bit easier when we're willing to share one another's burdens.

All I Want for Christmas Is...

Izak: Mommy, can I have a pony for Christmas?
Me: No, because you know the people that are letting us borrow their house? Well, they said we can't have any animals in their house because it'll get the house all dirty.
Izak: Well, I'll just get a really little pony that can fit in my hand so that way I can hold it all day and it won't get the house dirty.
Me: Izak, even little, little ponies are a lot bigger than you.
Izak: They are?!! Well then, how can they be put in a box and wrapped for Christmas?

Danya and Alex (Dave's twin sister and her husband) were kind enough to come visit us this past weekend. It was a lot of fun. They even took us to the state fair where we had the privilege of dining on the BIGGEST corn dogs I've ever seen, I love corn dogs. It was great....

Danya also made Izak promise that he will ask for a pony every year for Christmas.

Izak always remembers his promises. Yea, thanks Danya.



(This picture was taken after I had already eaten half the corn dog, seriously.)


Fairs are the best...Izak loved the animals (okay, none are in this picture because instead of taking a picture of us in front of some BORING animals, I REALLY wanted a picture in front of the cute little barn display, of course!)

One Talent Wonder

I've been blessed to know some amazing people. I first really started noticing this while serving an LDS mission in Brazil. I served with a lot of amazing women that changed my life forever.
I continue to be astounded by those with whom I come into contact. The more I get to know each one, the more impressed and humbled I am by their many strengths. If I allow myself, I start to feel a twinge of sadness that I am not quite up to par with these ladies, and it makes me stop and wonder how it was decided as to how many strengths and talents we would each be given. Which in turn reminds me of the parable found in Matthew 25:15-28 where it talks about how each person is given a different amount of talents and based on the talents we receive, there are certain requirements attached.
And then I start to not mind so much being one of the ones that may not have as many talents as another, because, just imagine, if I had more talents, would I really have time to blog (Disclaimer: There are many blogs out there that are beneficial and helpful and thus a great use of your/my time, this one just doesn't happen to be one of those) or do the other very important things with which I occupy my time? In fact, all you many talented women (or men, if any actually read this...) out there, do you really think you should be reading this right now? I'm pretty sure you've got some talents to be developing.
So, yea, I think I'm okay with my one talent and I'll just continue to relish in the goodness of the many talented people with whom I am privileged to associate...
So, here's to the One Talent Wonder...



Just try to tell me that face doesn't scream TALENT (Click on picture to see the real talent in action)!

Livin' the Dream

You ask how I am, do you?
All I can say is, I'm livin' the dream.

Don't ask me what the dream is that I'm livin', because I have no clue.
The other day I asked a friend with whom I have not spoken in a couple of years how he was doing, and this was the answer I received. He's living the dream.

What is this dream that people talk of?

Is it waking up at 6am to two onery little boys?
Is it dragging your child out of his friend's house in the midst of a royal tantrum?
Is it getting snot wiped all over your clothes after you've just gotten ready for the day?
Is it asking your child to stop steam rolling your one-year-old for the upteenth time?

If it is, well then, today, I was Livin' the Dream. That's right. Read it and weep.

And here's who I have to thank for the aforementioned Dream Livin'




And I wouldn't change a thing.

(Except maybe the 6am wake up call...and the tantrum throwing...and the snot wiping...and the steam rolling...but those boys, now those boys are keepers!)


How about you, when have you "Lived the Dream"?

The First Incision

Greetings digital blogging world. I have decided to make my first official post. As many of you are well aware I have recently started medical school. So far it is every bit as demanding as I imagined it. At the same time it is very exciting and I love learning about the various subjects that I am studying. Medical school holds a lot of surprises and many unforeseen events. In fact something very interesting happened to me just the other day, I was called into a room to make my very first incision with a scalpel into a human body. It was quite the experience. First I put on my scrubs and gloves.



Then I walked into the room took the scalpel and examined the body. I don't remember what was going on inside of my head at the time, but for those of you who know how I get squeamish at the site of blood you won't be surprised to hear that it was probably something like this "please don't pass out, please don't pass out, please don't pass out". Then I made my first cut into a human body. It was at that point that I realized that cutting open a cadaver really was not as bad as I thought it would be. I think it may have something to do with the training that I receive as an officer in the US army. We are taught to not let these kinds of things bother us. So we continued to open up the back of the body until we found the spine. I have included a picture for those of you who have never dissected a cadaver before.



After we found the spine we were given a bone saw to cut open the spine so that we could expose the spinal cord inside. Once we made our cuts along the spine we were given a hammer and some chisels to complete the job. We had to chisel our way into the bone ( for those of you who like eating crab and lobster you might want to skip this part) and break it apart piece by piece, it was almost like breaking crab legs or lobster claws to expose the meat. We had to break the bones and chisel it so that we could rip pieces of it off to expose the spinal chord.

If there is one thing to be said of medical school it's that it is not dull. There is always something to be done. I really am enjoying it a lot. I also wanted to thank all of you who are supporting my wife during this time by posting on your blogs or calling here on the phone because it lets her socialize with people who are over the age of three, seeing as how I am gone for 12 hours a day and then I come home and study at night. So all of you bloggers I take back everything that I ever said about it, and keep up the good work.

Thought Full Thursday

So the other day I was reading an article that was talking about legacies. It asked what type of legacy we will leave our children, whether it be the children we now have or the ones we will one day have. It made me stop and ponder on what legacies I want to leave my children. I wrote down in my journal the legacies I hope to leave my children and how I will achieve this. The legacies I wish to leave my children are simple:

1. I want them to know that they are loved.
2. I want them to know that they are special.
3. I want them to know there is a Father in Heaven that loves them and a Savior that suffered and died for any mistakes they will ever make or any hardships through which they will pass.
4. I want them to know that the gospel of Jesus Christ will bring them more happiness and peace than anything else ever could.

If I leave these legacies for my children, I will have succeeded as a parent. And if I leave these legacies for my children, how much better prepared will they be to go out and face the world than was I. It took me a long time to realize that I am loved. That I am special. And how vitally significant this knowledge is. It shapes my decisions every day of my life. I wonder what decisions I might have made differently had I known this years before (I am a slow learner). But how grateful I am to have this knowledge now. And how I hope to help my children have this knowledge at a much younger age than I so they can accomplish whatever they dream of accomplishing.

How about you...what legacies do you hope to leave your children (whether present or future)? What knowledge do you now have that you wished you had at an earlier stage in life?

Thought Full Thursdays

So, I was thinking that I'm going to start a new kind of post every week. On Thursdays I will post some of my random, disorganized thoughts. I know you may be wondering if I really have enough deep thoughts to post every week. I am too. I guess we'll see. But here is today's day full of thought (I would love any additional insight or thoughts you may have as well)......
As some of you may know, this last year has been a rough year. I'd venture to say, the hardest year of my life up until this point. But it has been such a good year in so many ways. I have learned and been reminded of things that I hope I will never forget again.
One of the most important things that I was reminded of through the course of this last year is the power each of us has to be the deciders of our own destinies. It is incredibly empowering to know that we choose who we will become. We decide if we will be happy. This in no way means we will always be happy. This means that when we are not happy, we have the power to make decisions to change our situation. I learned this a long time ago. I remember coming to a point in my life when I realized that I had been victim to different circumstances. I was wronged. I was angry. And I had every right to be angry. And then I realized that I had the power to choose whether I would continue to be a victim to the injustices dealt to me or if I would choose to allow those wrongs to mold me into an even better person than I was before I was victimized. That realization was incredibly empowering.
When life wasn't going my way last year, I forgot this incredibly important piece of information. I felt depressed at the thought that I was yet again a victim and there was nothing that I could do about it. Being a victim is hard. Feeling powerless is even harder, it's incredibly depressing. And then I remembered. I remembered that I was the one with the power to change what I did not like. That no one had enough power over me to take that away from me. And I felt a sense of hope and newness once again. I took action. Action is so empowering. And I felt myself come to life again.
Sometimes it's incredibly hard to have to acknowledge that no matter our circumstance, we ALWAYS have a choice. Once we admit to ourselves we have a choice, we can no longer blame anyone else for our circumstances because we then realize that we have the opportunity to better our situation. And sometimes it's easier to continue to be the victim than to make that hard choice. But that choice is the most empowering experience and realization. And it fills my life with hope. Knowing that no matter what may come in my life, I can ALWAYS choose to do something about it. To better my life. To create my own happiness.
And I will do this.
And, for the record, I never imagined how happy I would be today in comparison to how I felt a year ago. My life is in no way perfect, but I never thought that my life would be where it is today. I wouldn't trade this last year for anything. Action is empowering.