You know how stinkin' cute kids look when they lose that first tooth? I'm not talking about the awkward part when half their teeth are missing and the other half are half coming in. I'm talking about when that first top, middle tooth is lost. Isn't it so cute? You know it is. Well, I was thinking the other day how it's so sad that that cute stage lasts for such a short period of time.
And then I thought, well, why does it have to last such a short time? So, I decided to take matters into my own hands and make my super cute baby into a super, super cute toothless wonder baby. Forget being cute with one front tooth gone for a month or two-my baby is going to be super cute with one front tooth gone for 6 years! 6 years of pure, uninterrupted cuteness! That's right people, I've contacted a pediatric dentist who is willing to aide me in this mission and his tooth will be pulled tomorrow at 10am sharp.
Now, don't feel sheepish if you yourself haven't had this ingenious idea. There's a lot of people like you out there. I won't in any way be offended if you, too, jump on the band wagon and use this amazingly great idea as to how to make your child that much cuter. In fact, I'll give you my recipe for success as to how you too can have a toothless wonder for 6 wonderful years (because for some reason those darn pediatric dentists won't pull a baby's tooth just for the cuteness factor-they say they need a "reason"-as if only adults are allowed to do cosmetic alterations!). So here it goes:
Take your baby to a disgusting, greasy fast food restaurant such as, oh, I don't know, let's say Burger King.
Let him stand up and walk on the bench at the table.
Distract him so he won't realize, while he's walking backwards, that he's near the edge of the bench.
Allow him to fall off of the bench, break his tooth, and damage the nerve.
Clean up all bleeding and comfort your child, reminding him that a few minutes of pain is worth 6 years of glorious beauty.
Oh, and a most important detail-you MUST do this with your child before they hit the ripe old age of 2 as an anesthesiologist will not put your child under (in order to attempt to salvage the tooth by doing a root canal and placing a cap on it) so the dentist has no choice but to pull the tooth.
So, folks, hurry on over to your local, nastiest, fast food restaurant.
(Pictures to come of the toothless wonder soon...)
10 comments:
Of all my friends... you are the smartest!
And most generous.
First the free breakfast... now the free advice.
Alas, all my children are over two. It's the thought that counts, dear friend. Thanks!
P.S. My word verification... you know... the silly scrunched up word below this box... the word for this comment is... get this..
it is... UNTRUE
I'm so not kidding.
Dang...! had Dave been done with Med school now you could afford all that great expensive stuff but where would the fun be in that!?! I am so looking forward to seeing cute pictures! You are a genius!
Poor Landon! (side note) :0)
my word verification is sphip... making this the sphip-est advice ever!
Thanks!
I will be at Burger King tomorrow, wanna join me after the surgery?
Oh, Kate, you shed such a positive light on a very horrendous experience! I hope he is feeling better and that you are, too! I can totally relate, but did not think of such a positive spin when we encountered our first broken out tooth.
I bet you could sue that disgusting fast food place to and then you could be rich and have a beautiful child! How great would that be?
oh Kate.......I hope you and Landon are okay...that had to be fairly traumatic......I'm glad you can find some humor in it....and he is so cute, nothing could manage to change that.......I do love you, mom
This is the perfect solution! Why didn't anyone think of this sooner? I will file this away for future reference to ensure that my children have at least 6 years of cuteness. What would I do without your profound wisdom?
Funny how this cuteness intensifier should happen to Landon, who is already so dang cute. I predict unending ohs, ahs, and cheak pinches from strangers for the next 6 years of his life.
ps. Dave had a great game last night. I wish all the games weren't so late then maybe I'd get to see you all once in a while.
If Jaxen had any teeth, I would do it today! I guess he'd have to be walking for it to work out perfectly. Although, my niece knocked out her bottom, front tooth at 9 months on the coffee table, Christmas Eve. She's 4 now, and she is stinkin' cute!
What a day Kate! Hope you're all recovering.
Good planning Kate. Way to pull yourself up into that higher level of kid cuteness. It's going to be tough to keep up with that kind of diabolical planning.
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